I Was A Boy (A Poem of Loss, Remorse, and Resolution)

I would that I could but have tasted your blood whilst we were in the steps of that furious, that carnal dance

I know this communion shall never be ours, I know this because there is no light in you, no light in your glance

I was a boy, and you were a woman, I was arrayed as a prince in my dress

I burst forth, and you hid, you fled, and all you emotions did repress

I would that our eyes had met, and in that one simple moment our two beating hearts would have been seared

I know that this creation will never be ours, I know now what it was that I feared

I was a dog, and you were a queen, resplendent in your glory

I grovelled and you grinned, laughed at my appearance; gory

I would that we had fallen into the fire of our own making, and would have in its warm embrace burned together

I would that we had bled, had cried that our bond had been made crystal, had been made stone forever and ever

I know that this joy will never shared, I know now that it is meant, ordained to be over

I was a lover, and you were a prize, I became arrogant in my pride

I wanted you to be, I wished for you to be forever at my side

I was a boy, and you were a woman, I played the man, strong and firm

I spoke as a man, stood as a man, but I was not a man, I did not learn

I would that I could see you face again, feel you hand in mine, hear you soft voice

I know when I do, sorrow will make a nest in my heart, it is done, I made my choice

I would that I had felt your heart beat, felt the breath of your mouth, and wiped away your tears

I know now that I never had what I thought, I know now your breath was as a vapor, all my fears

I would that I had never said what I said an hundred times

I know that I will never be tried of these, my crimes

I would that I receded into the black, and stayed away

I know that I could not have, I had to stand and face the day

I would that I was only ever your friend, only ever a brother

I know that the pain will find me, if ever you find another

I would that you were ever only my friend, only ever a sister

I know the blood will burn me, if ever I find another

I would that I never did dedicate my writ

I know now that my name is only ever as spit

I would that my infernal passion was not of flesh and blood

I know now that all my work, my effort should be thrown in the mud

I would that we stay as companions

I know that gone are the old affections

I would that could we laugh and talk

I know that we will never again walk

I would that we be glad in this all

I know I shall need to pick myself up, for again I fall