I made a mistake, I saw that corpse lying
there and thought I'd try my hand at necromancy. I breathed life back
into that body, and now I wish I had left it to rot away alone and
forgotten. You spoke of your new lover, a body as dead and rotten as
your own, and I truly I was happy for you.
Until you began speaking in tongues,
you didn't know I have a demon in me too. And your words came into my
ears like the songs of dying doves, you could have given me any
title: Raper, Murderer, Idiot, Heretic, Degenerate, Addict, Sadist,
Manipulator, Conspirator, or even Demonizer, but you chose the one
name I cannot stand; Coward. Why did you do that? Did you know it would
get under my skin and burn me like bleach? Or do you really believe
that killing you was an act of cowardice?
A coward is a man that runs from any
truth he finds. A coward is a man who is afraid of himself. A coward
is a man that cannot admit to himself that he is dead. I ripped my
heart just to get a better look at it, I gave you my all. I hid
myself from you. What we had, those years, truly that was the act of
a coward! But not now, you cannot imagine the courage it took to tell
you goodbye and to slaughter your memory. You can never know what is
like to look in a mirror and hate the eyes staring back at you. You
cannot understand the depths I had to journey through to be where I
am now, and you jeer at my broken and torn body; “Coward”.
You sit there in your broken house,
praying to a God that does not exist, hoping he will spare you from
the Judgment Day. You sit there saying the right words, playing in
sunshine and warmth, and you tell me I am a coward? I have walked
through the bitter night of my own soul, I have bathed myself in the
blood of the Son, I killed myself over and over again, and still you
say; “Coward”.
Easy to speak down on those whose pains
you cannot know, easy to shun those you have burned. And it is very
easy to pretend you are alright in your little piece of heaven while
I am burning in a Hell that I chose for myself. Do you even know who
your God is? Do you even care what His blood does? Your cruelty of
spirit brings nearer to my Father, rejoice, this coward is growing
farther away from you and your inane God.
Am all I was nothing to you? Am I
simply a name in a list, a notch in a belt, a story of failure and
horror to tell to future generations as a lesson and warning? I
thought we were more than that. I thought you said you loved me, and
I know that I loved you. You are quite the witch, worker of lesser
magic and innocent speaker of lies. Never again with eyes of grey, or
blue snatch me up and drain me dry. I had cherished the memories of
the life you lived with me, but now I spit it out, it was all a lie,
a workmanship of your Father and never a pure memento of hope. I had
dreamed of you in my arms, sleeping soundly. Now I see your neck
between my jaws, and the blood runs so red. I wished you no ill will,
until you stabbed me below the waist.
I am not an advocate of this hostility,
but you leave me no choice, I must slaughter you, rip you limb from
limb until nothing remains in my mind. I had hoped to keep your face
in my mind for use when I needed a smile, but the blood splattered
across your mask is too ugly for me to stand now that your makeup has
been scrubbed off. To think that I hoped you'd come back to me! To
think I hoped you would again learn to love me if I only was to true to my
Father! He has shown His plan however, not the one I had wished for.
So, this my once-love, is the final missive you will have from me,
many waves of the hand and no take-cares from me, the man you made a coward.
RIP- Fantasy Mine.
