Eulogy From A Coward

I made a mistake, I saw that corpse lying there and thought I'd try my hand at necromancy. I breathed life back into that body, and now I wish I had left it to rot away alone and forgotten. You spoke of your new lover, a body as dead and rotten as your own, and I truly I was happy for you.

Until you began speaking in tongues, you didn't know I have a demon in me too. And your words came into my ears like the songs of dying doves, you could have given me any title: Raper, Murderer, Idiot, Heretic, Degenerate, Addict, Sadist, Manipulator, Conspirator, or even Demonizer, but you chose the one name I cannot stand; Coward. Why did you do that? Did you know it would get under my skin and burn me like bleach? Or do you really believe that killing you was an act of cowardice?

A coward is a man that runs from any truth he finds. A coward is a man who is afraid of himself. A coward is a man that cannot admit to himself that he is dead. I ripped my heart just to get a better look at it, I gave you my all. I hid myself from you. What we had, those years, truly that was the act of a coward! But not now, you cannot imagine the courage it took to tell you goodbye and to slaughter your memory. You can never know what is like to look in a mirror and hate the eyes staring back at you. You cannot understand the depths I had to journey through to be where I am now, and you jeer at my broken and torn body; “Coward”.

You sit there in your broken house, praying to a God that does not exist, hoping he will spare you from the Judgment Day. You sit there saying the right words, playing in sunshine and warmth, and you tell me I am a coward? I have walked through the bitter night of my own soul, I have bathed myself in the blood of the Son, I killed myself over and over again, and still you say; “Coward”.

Easy to speak down on those whose pains you cannot know, easy to shun those you have burned. And it is very easy to pretend you are alright in your little piece of heaven while I am burning in a Hell that I chose for myself. Do you even know who your God is? Do you even care what His blood does? Your cruelty of spirit brings nearer to my Father, rejoice, this coward is growing farther away from you and your inane God.

Am all I was nothing to you? Am I simply a name in a list, a notch in a belt, a story of failure and horror to tell to future generations as a lesson and warning? I thought we were more than that. I thought you said you loved me, and I know that I loved you. You are quite the witch, worker of lesser magic and innocent speaker of lies. Never again with eyes of grey, or blue snatch me up and drain me dry. I had cherished the memories of the life you lived with me, but now I spit it out, it was all a lie, a workmanship of your Father and never a pure memento of hope. I had dreamed of you in my arms, sleeping soundly. Now I see your neck between my jaws, and the blood runs so red. I wished you no ill will, until you stabbed me below the waist.

I am not an advocate of this hostility, but you leave me no choice, I must slaughter you, rip you limb from limb until nothing remains in my mind. I had hoped to keep your face in my mind for use when I needed a smile, but the blood splattered across your mask is too ugly for me to stand now that your makeup has been scrubbed off. To think that I hoped you'd come back to me! To think I hoped you would again learn to love me if I only was to true to my Father! He has shown His plan however, not the one I had wished for. So, this my once-love, is the final missive you will have from me, many waves of the hand and no take-cares from me, the man you made a coward.

RIP- Fantasy Mine.